Confessions of a Digital Addict

How a digital rule of life restores freedom in a wired world

When I told my husband I wanted to write about digital monasticism, his initial response was one of confusion: “Shouldn’t you try to live it first?”

Fair enough. I can’t blame him for wondering how someone who runs a podcast and Substack newsletter—all on the world wide web—might position herself as an authority on digital monasticism.

To him, the phrase conjured images of cloistered monks and nuns tucked away in their cells, ensconced in lives of silent prayer and withdrawal from the world. I, on the other hand, saw my own increasing efforts to pare down the technology in our lives as an analogous withdrawal from the world.

When I began crafting a digital rule of life, I was inspired by a book by Holly Pierlot that I’d read early on in my motherhood called A Mother’s Rule of Life. In it, the author draws on the centuries-old wisdom of monastic traditions to create a spiritual backbone on which to hang all the many competing priorities of motherhood.

The word “rule” is derived from the Latin regula, meaning trellis. Just as a trellis supports a vine as it grows and bears fruit, so too does a rule offer a framework to support its adherents in bearing good spiritual fruit. Pierlot’s book helps mothers to transition from Marthas to Marys, striking a balance between ora et labora, prayer and work, that integrates all of life into a single song in praise of Jesus Christ. By creating boundaries and learning to properly prioritize according to Heaven’s hierarchy, the various aspects of a mother’s life come together in harmonious resonance.

The effectiveness of Peirlot’s book is rooted in her adaptation of the rule of life first developed by Christian monastic communities in the fourth century to the circumstances of modern motherhood. The rule of life many of us are familiar with today was first articulated by St. Benedict of Nursia circa 500 AD, whose Rule became a template for most Christian religious orders as we know them today. Still, the exact specifications vary according to the unique call and charisms of each community. St. Francis of Assisi founded a community of itinerant preachers. The Benedictine vow of stability would have been quite at odds with their purpose! Instead, the Franciscans charisms of evangelization and poverty call for mobility and flexibility to fulfill their unique mission.

Adapting the rule of life concept for the unique needs and gifts of each family is what I envisioned when I described the concept to my husband: spiritual commitments to digital boundaries according to the discernment of God’s unique call for them. For some, a more liberal range of technology might be required. For others, a total withdrawal from digital spaces may prove most fruitful. Most will fall somewhere between extremes on this spectrum, and the exact applications will evolve and change with the ebb and flow of family life.